How am i ever going to blog with such kinda horrible feelings that i am experiencing with my pregnancy? Hiaz, i wanted to blog but each time, somehow i dun feel good myself. For the past two weeks, i was away from the world keeping to myself, ignoring the computer, ignoring the phone and everything. Each morning i wake up, i tried to feel better but never. I did not dress up well, didnt tie my hair up properly, didnt eat properly, always staying on my couch n not wanna talk to anybody. All i wanna do is to pass time as fast as possible. You see, i am experiencing Morning Sickness. And it is really sick to get this cos its just going to spoil ur day. There are many woman who can handle this sickness  but its not my cup of tea. Initially, i could not control it. Each time i see food, i go puking in the toilet. But now, i am trying to get over it in the morning as much as possible. So whenever i wake, its a battle between me and my body. Vomitting in the toilet while hubby is sleeping soundly.

My tummy, there's not much of a difference now. Just a small bump. My next appt is on Friday and that is when all the tests are going to be done as well. So i was given a christmas gift from Myra. She's given me a pregnancy book and i have been reading up on it. So for the first trimester, Folic Acid is very important because the baby's brain n spinal is being developed at this stage. So now, i am taking my multi vitamins n folic acid faithfully and drinking milk every night.

Haiz, i am very frustrated with whats happening around me. I didnt want to say anything because i've told myself not to bother n things will finally end once that woman is out of my life n house. Her bloody daughter who has the stinkiest mouth i've ever come across has been telling tales to her friends. Damn her n her mother. I am pregnant but i must say this. I really dun have any liking for them. They have caused me hurt in my life since the day i knew my hubby. And her bloody daughter has no sense of respect for anyone. Aiyah... i continue later la. Now i so sick at werk.

"Let me get 1 thing cleared w/you!! I did not chase anyone outta my hse. Stop being a bloody pest in ma life. Cowardism runs in ur family i guess. I dun have anything to do w/ u n ur mom. Get out of my life for good. Such existence makes me laugh!!"

If you have any queries about my family (which i dun know why you are so bloody concerned about), then look for me get things cleared with me instead of going around talking about stuffs that you are not sure about.

And stop judging me or commenting about me when i dun even know who the fuck you are. Get a life. Stop being a fucking old lady n talk about others family life or others. Dun you have better things to do.

One more time i get news to me about these things, things will turn ugly.

Regards,

Guna

Welcome back baiya

So baiya is finally back. Anita myself n hubby were there to receive him. We got Anita to hide to give a sweet surprise to him. Gegege, as usual, i didnt know how to lie so he suspected from my smiles. He looks fairer now n slimmer. He was having a big tummy when he left. Now, he looks ,uch better except for the untrimmed face. Aiyoh, he must go for some makeover la. He used to dress up much better those days. He can simply charm a woman just by his dressing. Now, i dun know what got into his sense of dressing. 

We left to Sentosa. I must say that the cab uncle was very affected with the recession. He was complaining about our PM n how he feels about him. Wahahaha, he was complaining more than us. N he was advising us on what to eat n what not to eat when pregnant time. Hahahaha.... cute la. We were finding for the Treasure Resort in Sentosa n the sign boards were not a good help at all. Due to constructions going on, the road was very cramp. N the signage was in Yellow n white colour which made it more difficult to read the names at night. So the cab uncle commented saying "You see, they dun have brains ah. They cock eye ah. Like this colour how to see. They testing my eyesight is it!!!" Wahahaha, that was really funny la. Cock eye. 

Anyway, somehow we manage to find the place n get checked in. The room was quite small though i know its meant for two only. Hahaha.... anyway i must say that yesterday, Baiya's time was not good at all. We ladies went ahead n check in to the rooms while Baiya waited for my hubby and then they came to the resort. But the smartasses went to Vivo to get burgers from BK. Which took them so long to reach to the resort. By the time we left the resort to eat, it was quite late. N our dearest Anita wanted to eat in the restaurant situated in Sentosa. For that, we had to walk quite a distance n climb so many stairs. I was telling them that by the time we reach the outlet, it would be closed n i am going to have a  big laugh at them. True enough, the rest was closed but it was becos the outet has been repossessed. Aiyoh, so we had to take a cab out of Sentosa n find a makan place to eat. Damn the only nearest was HAKIM REST. Which i think is one of the worse makan places in Singapore. Maybe, Channel 5 should come up with a show about the worse makan stall in Singapore. At least we can be aware of it esp when we are most hungry n looking for food.

To be continued......

Baiya coming back today

Yeah, baiya is coming back today. We're going to fetch him at the airport today n then we'll be going somewhere but i dun know where. I have no idea what are the plans for today. Wednesday, i went to the poly for my so called the 1st check up. I hate polyclinic doctors. Only 10% really gives proper consultation to the patients. The rest are just doing the duty for the sake of earning money. It was my first prenatal check up but the damn doctor was not bothered about it. It may be her 100th time seeing patients like me but it was the first time for me. Cant she just show abit more interest in her bloody job. She just advised me of the baby due date n prescribed me nausea medicine. No folic acid no vitamins nothing whatsoever. Stupid brainless Doc. I thought i go for my follow up check with them but now. NO WAY!!!!! I am going for another appt next month again. This time i am going to get a referral letter n see the hospital doc. Once i am turning 5 months, then i'll get a specialist doc.

So far, i do have vomitting kinda feelings but then i dun vomit. I just cant eat at night. N the thing i want to eat alot is spicy food. I wanna eat alot of spice. So far, this is what i am feeling. Other than that, i am not experiencing anything else. Baby's due date is now approx 11/7/09. But i need to give birth before the 15th as its not good to have a child birth from the 15th Jul to 15 Aug. So i might deliver earlier. I dun care what ppl say. You know, so many ppl are saying so many things and i am tired of listening to them all. I am just going to stick to my own plans n heed a few logical advices.

Zoo

Going to the zoo is something that always perks me up alot. Till today at this age, i feel excited to see all the animals. I went to the zoo last weekend with my baby girl n her fren. I must say, i am very bad in guiding la. Anita did a better job at it. We went to the zoo in the noon n later in the evening we went to the night safari. As a true Singaporean, i didnt fail to do my duty. The very first thing i went to check was the white tiger enclosure. N like a Kaypoh girl, i told Anita's fren (who dun really understands English well) what happened in that tiger enclosure. No matter how many times i go there, i still feel like a child again when i am there. We enjoyed ourselves tremendously and i had a fantastic time with both the girls.

Going to night safari was the 1st for me. I've never been to the night safari. And i was wrong with my perception about night safari. I thought night safari would be boring cos the animals will be in the dark n you wont be able to see them properly. But i totally wrong. The atmosphere was so creepy n gave a thrill throughout the entire time i had been there. The only thing was i felt very tired by the time we went for the creatures of the night show. I was so mesmerized by the Indian Wolf, Hyenas, the Malayan Tiger. Damn, the Malayan tiger was sitting against the glass windows with its back towards us. I went right next to it n felt so thrilled to be this close to such a majestic animal. She was extremely gracious in the way she moved away from the windows. The moment she sat on her butt, she was so big in size. Her paws were so big. It made me wonder how the malay guy approached the white tigers n stood directly infront of them. Cant imagine what was going thru his thoughts at that very moment. But i must say that it was a real horrible way to die. Anyway back to the night safari. The only thing was i could not take pics cos i did not bring the tripod with as no flash was allowed in the night safari. So i had to really drink in the memories n store them a very long time.

Apart from my lovely adventurous time in the zoo n night safari, the only thing i didnt like was the bad enclosure. It was flying around with those eerie looks n the flaps. Yucks, i cant stand them. So i was practically hiding under Anita for protection. She was laughing her ass off.

I am yet to upload the pics cos i really had no time this week n i am supposed to sent the pics to Anita as well.

So this saturday is to finish my homework. I want to see tv the whole of Sunday. I miss my couch n its missing my fleshy ass as well. Mummy's coming to you darling. Hold on ok.

Two months n we hit the jackpot

Its an ironic isnt it. Today is the 14th of November. We got married on 14th of September. Exactly two months n we are having our new family on the way. I have not gone for the appt yet. Maybe next week when hubby is having his off. So yesterday evening, we went to Ma's place n broke the news. Pa n Maama brought hubby down n lectured him for about an hour. Baiya called from Australia and wished us n then i messaged to all my frens n shared with them our happy news. Well, i think hubby is getting very excited now. I really do hope that its a boy. Kunji boy. Hahaha..... anyway i'll be starting to update on all the things that i am going thru everyday and i'll be taking pic of my stomach development for every week and every month. I am going to start an album now itself. Hubby's first instructions were to eat, watch documentaries n educational pro grammes n
most importantly, read alot. Phew, my agenda is getting to be filled up. Def, i wont give up a few things. Firstly, my coffee and photography. Later, i'll be meeting up my wonderwoman for movie. She is getting me something already. Cant wait to see what would that be. My colleague gave me my very first baby shower gift as she wont be in Singapore. Its green n yellow bips. Wahahaha.... i'll update photos in the night.

I WANT TO MEET UP WITH MY SIS ASAP..... Cant wait to enjoy these few months with all the aunties n uncles of my boy. Whahahaha.....

13 November 2008, 3.15pm, Thursday, Cloudy

That was the day when i got the turning point news of my life. I have or maybe attaining motherhood. Damn, i thought i never have to say these words in life. Maybe not in the near future. But i was already suspecting it since sometime. Secretly, deep down inside of me, i was praying that i wont be pregnant. Even now i am tellin you, i am not READY yet. How can i handle everything? Its a very big responsibility which has the heaviest weight n price attached with it. I am feeling all kinds of emotions rushing thru my mind ever since the news was told to me. I kept the kit with me for memory sake. I am going to clean it throughly n put it up in the collection for him. Let me go in detail how exactly things came about to yesterday noon ok.

I missed my mense date last week. I started to panic big time. N the best part is i bought the stock for this month as well thinking that maybe my cycle has changed yet again. Ever since i started to have an active sex life, my mense cycle has changed drastically. So thinking that its norm again to delay the date, i carried on with life as usual. Then came the weekend. You see, my mense attack is always on the weekend. So when two weeks ago weekend, i realize i've not come, i took the pregnancy kit that was given by my colleague last year and checked. The result was very faint so i thought maybe becos the kit was sometime already so showing salah results. Well actually, i was trying to calm my nerves. But anyway, last whole week, i did all kinds of things to make my blood rush out. I jumped, i carries heavy items, walked up n down the stairs as much as possible at work n while i was bathing, i pressed my stomach as hard as possible. Nothing happened.

So i spoke to Sharmela. She is a very close fren of mine who is a staff nurse who had worked in maternity ward before. N she is preggy as well. I had told her everything. She slammed her hand down (just like Anita did) n confirmed that i am mama already. DAMN!!! That was my first reaction. N what i told her next was very like me actually. I told her i wanted to abort n not tell Pragas about it. I told her all the reasons i had to this decision. She told me only one thing. Take one day n thing very carefully about what i want to do. So that same evening, i went back home. Hubby was working the noon shift. While i was bathing, suddenly my heart told me that whatever the result is, take it n live the life. N i have already committed a sin before. So i dun want to go hell anyway. That was what made my mind up.

So i started to tell hubby about my decision to take the tests. His reaction was something unexpected. WHY? Becos he complained to Ma that i didnt want to give him child and he wanted to have a family ASAP. So when i told him about my decision to take a preggy test, he insisted on waiting for another month before i test. He said its too soon to get praggy since it was only a few times we made love. Hahaha.... n he was thinking that he was old so the chance of me getting preg was slim. Well, he forgot that i am much younger than him. So i told Sha about his reaction n she called him to tell him that i might be preg infact. So i went ahead with the test without his knowledge. It took me the entire morning to save my courage before i went to the clinic next door to take the test. I insisted that Sha should be on the line with me the entire time that i was in the clinic. She did n she was the first person to hear the news with me. The best part was the doctor who told me the news was a handsome fellow. Hahahah......

So after that, i went back to work n told Aunty about it. N she cried. So sweet of her. After work i told hubby. Up till now, he is still in shock. He just cant accept it.

Suicide

I admit, i am guilty of attempting suicide. The year was if i am not wrong, 2004. Yeah yeah, the problem was relationship. You see, i grew up in a Home meant for abused n homeless children. I was from a abused family. My story is a super long story n its not relevant  to my topic today so let's skip that.  Anyway, so i started staying on my own since the age of 16 and that was my very first serious relationship. It lasted for for about 4 years. He was a very abusive man and more irritatingly possessive. So sticking with him for that long was an achievement itself for any woman i guess. Anyway, after that mess, i went on my own path and got into another relationship after a year. That was the one relationship that taught me most about life and endurance and everything about betrayal and hurt. We grew very close together (though my sis hates that swine from the beginning) from frens to lovers. But after the first into the relationship, things started to change. He spent lesser time with me and always had excuses to stay away from me. You see, since i was staying alone, sometimes he stayed with me during the weekends. And sometimes, he would just stay over at my place for the whole week. We spent every single day without fail together. Be it whether we have work or not. I pampered that motherfucker alot. I spent all my money on him not leaving a single cent for my future. I bought him his wardrobe at my place. Well, anyway, i dun wish to elaborate on the asshole. It was sometime before i found out that i was pregnant that things went horribly wrong between us. So i did the silliest thing in my life. Twice on top of that. The very first time, i escaped with nothing big. Becos it was not that bad.

But the second time, i got into a big mess and i stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks. That was when i found that i was pregnant as well. I thought that by doing so, i might try to get him back. But bullshit Guna, that never happens with any man. (I learned this that hard way) That was my turning point in life for making this silly mistake of ending my life. I was lying in bed one of the noon when my fren whom grew up with me in the Home saw me. He was there to actually to see another fren of his. When he learned what i had done to myself, he sat down and told me what exactly his fren was admitted for.

His fren, (i dun know his name) attempted suicide for the very same reason that i had. But he survived the fall. BADLY. He was paralyzed from waist down, broke his leg and hand and was badly bruised. If i am not wrong, his girlfren did not come to visit him at first until after some persuasion from frens. But amid all these, the one person who stood by him, took care of him, fed him, changed him, cleaned him was his mother. She was drastically devastated by the incident. That made me realized that what i did was extremely stupid and selfish too. Thanks to that fren, Desmond, i woke up.

This life that we had been granted by Him, its not in our hands to decided whether we are done with it or not. All we are supposed to do is to live a life that will create an impact on someone before our time is up. This young pretty lady who seems to be intelligent and have so many loving frens and a family as well, what wrong have they done for them to go through this grievous time now? Maybe the reason she chose to end her life may have been a strong agreement to her. But no one else can accept it. She had chosen that particular path which had caused her pain and what she should have done is to brave it out with the love of her frens and family. I feel very deeply for her frens and family. They dun deserve what she had done. All that beauty didnt give her the strength to face what she was supposedly going thru. I believe that at least one of those fren which she had would have stood by her side holding her hands with whatever pain she was facing before her death. WHAT ARE FRENS FOR THEN???? The next person we go to when we feel we cant open up to our family is frens. We feel very much at ease with these guardian angels sent to us by Him to guide us whenever we go astray. For most of us, we seek the advice of our frens.

I was looking at all the posts sent by her frens. I may not have known her at all but i can relate to her frens feelings very deeply. Just imagine what her parents would be going thru at this very moment, standing at the glass panel, looking from above while their only daughter going away from them. Was this the day they had been looking forward when they first held her in their arms 26 years back on 28th September 1982? Whatever happened to their dreams and wishes? How would the mother have felt? Damn, just to think about it pierces my heart. I cant imagine how her mom would feeling.

My prayers are for the frens and family to recover smoothly from this tragedy that was caused by the very same person whom they had loved without any reservations. And my prayers for the beautiful girl to R.I.P.

Its been a long time since i had blogged. No time la. Since Diwali, i've been baking, cleaning and shopping. N i realized that its been ages since i went out with hubby and camwhore with him. No pics to update my blog. *sobs* No more..... I am going to do just that with him maybe today or tomorrow. And i wanna dress up as well. I think we're neglecting our quality time together. Its always with our family that we have spent quality time. So expect to see more pictures.